Public Service Announcement

It’s unambiguous, and it sorts correctly as text if you use it in file or directory names, a column in a spreadsheet, or whatever.

ISO 8601

But not military time. If you’re not in the military, that’s just gay.

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Stupid Broiler Tricks

1. Start with some good lumpy mashed potatoes you made yourself. Mix in small cubes of pork liver paté, in a ratio of maybe 20:1 potatoes to paté. Leave the paté cubes intact, don’t mash it all up. Lay some cheese curds on top (good fresh squeaky Québecker curds, if ya got ’em) and broil until the curds bubble and brown a bit. Eat with red wine. I used a paté with some truffle in it, and holy crap. Good.

2. Lay a boneless chicken breast in a buttered pan with sides. Sprinkle with a little salt, pepper, a touch of ground rosemary, and eight or ten dried cranberries. OK, twelve. Cover with one layer of bacon. Broil on a low rack until the chicken is cooked through. If the bacon isn’t crisp, set the chicken aside under a lid and broil the bacon alone for a bit until done.

3. Not broiler-related, but one of the best two turkeys I ever had was barded with bacon like the chicken above (the other was brined, then cooked in my friend Frank’s Big Green Egg), and the best turkey gravy I ever had was made with bacon and bacon grease.

Winter Storm WHOOP WHOOP SMILEY FACEEEEE

The idiots at Weather Dot Com have driven deeper into Retard City in their crusade to give meteorological events memorable brand identities. There’s a storm due in the midwest, and it’s called Winter Storm Q.

Winter Storm Fucking LETTER Q?

Yes. That’s exactly the branding. “Q”.

Next on the list:

  1. Winter Storm Whoop Whoop!
  2. Winter Storm Gilligan’s Island
  3. Winter Storm Thaaayyynkss 😛
  4. Winter Storm Stupid Fucking Harlem Shake Video
  5. Winter Storm Kardashian

It’s the Year of the Tucks Medicated Pad, folks. And we’re gonna need ’em.

Online Dating Profile Contest

This dude’s online dating profile won a contest at Blackdragon’s blog. The judges were actual women, about as decent a selection as you could sanely hope to meet on OKCUpid. So this is meaningful.

Is the glass half empty, half full, or just twice as large as it needs to be? I dislike seeing things in just black and white. I like to measure life not by the breaths I take, but by the moments that take my breath away – when the volume-knob of life is turned all the way down, and I am snuggling up by the fireplace with someone special under a blanket. Or when the volume-knob is turned all the way up, and I am having the time of my life sipping a cocktail on some tropical island wearing a dorky Hawaiian shirt with Lei flowers around my neck.

Basically: You better love to have fun, or we won’t get along. I like to think of myself as confident, but not arrogant. I’m a very humble man. I don’t run away from problems. Also I watched my sister get her heart broken many times, and this made me realize how important it is to treat a woman right. My mother also taught me how to have inner strength and not get walked on. I am easy going, and I love to put a smile on people’s faces, no matter where I am or who I am with. Some stuck up people may think it’s strange, but you might find me making faces back at the kids in the car in front of me.

Are you able to handle masculine energy? I can be quite a handful. Do you consider yourself a bit dorky rather than “hot”, educated rather than just “street-smart”, a creator rather than a consumer, and happy rather than content? In that case, we should talk. “Everybody dies, not everybody lives.” — I love the quote, but have no idea where it’s from. 10 brownie points if you can tell me. 100 points and a cereal box top can be redeemed for the best brownie recipe in the world. Anyways… I just want to hang out casually to see if there is some chemistry between us. That, or potential for a friendship. I’m fine with either outcome – or neither. Maybe I’ll meet someone special online – maybe you will, too. Send me a quick email with why you think we would get along well, and we’ll take it from there.

The commenters are mostly like “Dude WTF that shits girly an shit no way dude hes beta thats totely batay!”

What got my attention was that after I stopped puking rainbows late in the first paragraph, he spent the rest of the profile qualifying the reader. Sure, he says he treats women right, but then he immediately says he won’t get walked on.

When he’s not reassuring them with one hand and shooing them away with the other, he’s painting himself as extroverted and adventurous. Islands, interacting with people’s kids in traffic, “everybody dies, not everybody lives”.

He closes by telling women to email him and give him a good goddamn reason to bother replying!

He’s saying three things: 1. I’m a decent, safe dude. 2. I will lead you on adventures. 3. If you are worthy of me.

I can’t believe nobody’s seeing ballsy masculinity in that profile. It practically sprays the stuff.

Is it perfect? Not necessarily. I’d have left out the bit about treating women right/not getting walked on, and the brownie recipe. But he won the contest and I didn’t. He’s got data to back him up, I don’t. Food for thought. Maybe you have to lay on the beta with a trowel to offset the qualification business (push, pull, drama, interest!). My strategy when I did that stuff was just write stuff that’s funny and retarded. Whatever, as long as you’re interesting and you’re not a loyal puppy dog. Worked OK, but it never crossed my mind to qualify them.