Bonding

It’s well known that people don’t make new lifelong friends after their 20s, and college is the peak time for it. My closest friends are from college; one friend I may not talk to for a year or two at a stretch, but when we do get together, I hear everything about his marriage (this year, about his divorce). I have other long-term friends I met in my late 20s, but we’ll never be as close.

What do you think this implies about late marriage? Nothing good.

Now, it happens that my old college friend met his wife in college, but the singular of anecdote is not data. She was squirrely 25 years ago. And what killed the marriage was that he beta’d himself. Meeting him, you wouldn’t think it, but that’s what happened. And I recall her yapping at me about Eat Pray Love right around the time she went off the rails, too. She’s a yapper. Not good with boundaries. Squirrely, I told you.

But seriously, tetrapods establish deep bonds of trust when they’re young. Feminists may think they have something to gain from relationships devoid of trust, but human beings know better.

Persuasion

You can generally con women by acting as if what you want them to believe were true, while saying something completely different. The only question is exactly what actions send the right message, and how to make them convincing.

Women always assume that what people say has an arbitrary relationship to the truth. They learn that by looking in the mirror.

This is why you never, ever give a woman an ultimatum. They’ll assume it’s a bluff every time. You’ll get a lot farther by telling her everything is fine, while smirking like an asshole, and then changing the subject to the weather.

Every Woman Has a Crazy

She wrote that many women “are flooded with worries, thoughts and emotions that swirl out of control, sucking our emotions and energy down, down, down. We are suffering from an epidemic of overthinking.”

It doesn’t help when the only cognitive tools they’re given to cope with it all are “Be yourself” and “follow your heart”.

Helps even less when the men in their lives are told the way to deal with it is “listen” and “validate”.

A useful way to think about women is that they’re sort of like us, except sometimes the Crazy comes bubbling up out of the depths and takes over. When that happens, they need you not to feed the Crazy. Don’t feed it, don’t reward it, don’t engage with it, do not EVER try to reason with it, don’t give it any work to do or any reason to stay around. It loves to argue, so don’t do that. When it encounters a wall of amused indifference or calm contempt, it gets bored and slinks away. It soon runs out of energy if it can’t use yours.

Starve the Crazy, and it will go away sooner and stay away longer. But it’ll never be gone for good.

She doesn’t like the Crazy any more than you do: It’s in her head and it keeps looming up and seizing control. She needs to know that you’ll stay functional and focused on dealing with real problems in the outside world while she’s disabled by the Crazy.

It’s not so much that all women are crazy; it’s that all women have a Crazy. Some of them, you see it all the time. Others, only under unusual stress. When it comes out, don’t ask why she’s doing this to you. It’s not her, it’s her Crazy.

UPDATE: The Evil One says it better.